Friday, December 26, 2008
I watched Drumline tonight, and it made me cry.
I was just happy that they took the high road to win the final showdown at the end of the movie. In other news... For Christ Sakes, Bill, I swear to God I will have this memorized by Saturday, and we will choreograph a sparring number where we make Jessica cry. More Gap Cards! More Gap Cards! Or else the Poodle gets it!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Spread Eagle, Doubleback Twisting with Full Turnout-Take That Auden-
yeah, so everytime i log onto my blog, i see that creepy Auden face.. it reminds me of my old lady neighbor when i was growing up, mary hendrickson, and her creepy Jaguar intentions of luring me in for a hug for mowing her lawn (not metaphoric, ew) and then going in for the ass grab. sure as shit, bitch did it again this last year when i had to go over and ask her for something for my parents. it was awkward, and kind of creepy. like Auden. anyway, because it is christmas and i didn't get myself anything, and because i don't want creepy to be the first thing you see on my blog, i got myself the best possible thing i could think of: 2008 Men's Olympic Gold Medalist, Yang Wei. He's legal, questionable since his fiance's name is also Yang Wei, more emPhaSis on the A and I for her, so much more entertaining than those Hamm Brothers, although nobody can beat Nastia Lukin... that name: lordy, a stripper in the making, and he was part of a collective whole that made the Beijing Olympics make me implode on a daily basis. Gwonnnggg!
W.H. Auden "Shall I Rim You?"
How Dirty Is That Auden Poem That Was Too Dirty for the ‘Times Book Review’?
http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/03/how_dirty_is_that_auden_poem_t.html
It's quite an interesting read. More disturbing than not once you get into it--- and then you put the face with the words, and tada! I've got old creepy people on my blog.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Honey Baked Hot Mess
There's something about Donatella that makes me quiver and yet I can't look away. I can't tell if it her seabass lips, her vagina stomach or her canal of a vagina. oh, don't forget about glistening chest that looks like a glazed turkey and remarkably cancerous, much like all of her. having had skin cancer before, i implore you Donatella, SPF anything, please. i mean, i know it's a little bit late, but Christ, you look like one of your handbags. I dare to even question your floppy downtown jowls.
I don't want this blog to turn into me just bitching and nagging about pictures of videos that I come across on the internets, so in an attempt to put some substance to this blog, I had a conversation tonight about settling down and getting older. It makes me wonder where I'll be at when i'm 40. I would like to say I would have something to show for my life, and some kind of validation. It doesn't need to be a ripped body like Donatella's of course, but maybe a successful career, or family or house. I know I want to maintain my dignity and integrity. I don't want to sell myself to get to the top. I want to earn it. I want to prove to myself that I've got what it takes... I see this and I feel as though, One, why did anybody take this picture of her, and two, does that measure her wealth and success? She looks ghastly, but she is a huge success (taking over her husband's line and all)... I feel like she is that old guy who trolls around at bars looking for young tail... I don't want to ever become that guy with a mustache and the creepy tight Wranglers who stares while smoking in the corner of the room at the twinks who walk on by... then he kinda talks to himself about how he wants to hog tie them and make em squeal like a piggy. Yeah, that kinda shit should be reserved for xtube, not my future. And in no relation, I had a great bonding experience with the roommate tonight. Neither of us are big on Christmas, so we drank beer and exchanged music. It was the gayest non gay thing I've ever done. but necessary in our progression as friends, not just roommates. I showed him the Donatella picture, and I'm pretty sure he is vegan now, done with his cougar phase.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
bad choreography=sad weiner
ugh, christ. what is it with this Beyonce video and every fucking gay guy memorizing this dance of hers? granted the song is catchy, and yes, she can move (if i had hips like that i would too). but that's the thing. i'm a skinny white guy, much like most of the queens out there who are making me barf everytime someone sends me a youtube link of the next worst impersonation. granted, there are some exceptions: the fat guy who's panis looks conical. i can't figure out where things end and begin, or if it is a layering or stuffing issue. it boggles my mind, even in dreams. and then there's the three vivacious women who i would not want to meet in an alley. their jowls would eat suck the meat off me in nanoseconds. the splits at the end make it worth every moment. but for now, i say please, if you're a guy trying to give it your all to impress the B, she's probably with JayZ trolling around youtube searching her own name and videos to see all the amateurs who have done her video injustice. (if i were a billionaire with hips like that i would too). but that's the thing. she's not. and i'm not. it's chris crocker all over again, without the crying; therefore it isn't nearly as satisfying. but these are both gratifyingly gross and makes my penis invert so far that even celery and tweezers won't lure it out.
Oh barf, I just realized at 1:07 of this video, when the guy tries to get down on his knee, you can totally see his choad and cheese. so gross-
Monday, December 22, 2008
so i was talking to pekson online tonight and then i got this random phone call with a robot voice saying i need to renew my subscription to steam portland before december 24th. it had my full name.. but why a blocked phone number and why at 11:30 at night on a monday? during a snow storm? followed on the heels by a fake gay.com account where I was told by Tuesday that I need to accept his friend request, I replied, "i haven't been on the dot com since june" he said, "well you're on right now." sure as shit, this character saylorj was on there, with pictures of me, hobbies, pics stolen from myspace and all sorts of shit. so i hop on there with my old account that i created way back in the gay and befriend him with the comment that he needs to delete the fake account. this person does, and no big deal. i can't tell if it is friends screwing with me or if someone is really trying to fuck with me. how did they get my number, do i have an account at this place with my name tied to it, or what? kinda creepy--- i feel like i should call, but i don't want to, and now i think it's just pekson fuckin with me... jackass. it's like humor, but a bad asian version. kinda like this:
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